I Love You, But That’s Not Why I’m Saying Yes. Status Over Love, Let’s Talk About It.

I Love You, But That’s Not Why I’m Saying Yes Status over Love: Let’s Talk About It

Why did you get married? Why do you plan on getting married? I’m not trying to change anyone's mind or sway your beliefs but as i’ve gotten older I have realized that marrying for love, solely, isn’t the best decision to make when going into a marriage. For one, we have all seen plenty of examples where marriages last for decades and towards the end or after you are at least 15-20 years in, one of the spouses finds out about some type of infidelity. Most of the time you don’t even have to wait that long, ain’t that right Derrick Jaxn???? There is nothing that anyone can do about a spouse who chooses to be unfaithful or just falls out of love with their partner. One thing you may want to do though is ensure a very comfortable future for yourself and/or any children that are the product of your relationship. For centuries many different families of different, but high statuses have married into each other based on status, land acquisition, money, etc. Why is it different now? Who knows, I don’t have a definite answer for that but i do know that as much as Black people preach about creating our own and starting generational wealth, we have to be smart in all aspects even if it isn’t conventional. 

What I am getting at here is that having love as the #1 reason for you to partake in ceremonial bliss may not be the “thing” or at least the smartest thing to take into consideration when making that major leap. I truly believe in building and maintaining a healthy status and lifestyle for you and your family when it comes to progression. What I tend to go for (and this is by no means what you have to do or should do, this is just my preference) is a certain type of personality that I know is healthy and can problem-solve sufficiently. That’s not to say there will be no issues within the relationship but when issues do arise I am comfortable with knowing that my partner and I can sit and have a conversation that will ultimately benefit the both of us in some way. Another factor that I consider is their status economically, does my partner come from money? Are they good at managing money? Do they plan on establishing a business or making a mark in the company they are in now? How are they with investments? etc... I know that may seem like a bit much but when you think about it this is someone you plan on living out the rest of your days with and growing a family with, are things like financial status, social status and education status really too much to look into?  Of course, you want your partner to be mentally and emotionally healthy as well. You do not want to go through the motions of high school level relationship issues at your big age, I would hope. 

Things to consider when wondering about or dealing your partner’s mental and emotional stability: How do they handle MINOR conflict? Are they able to focus well enough on getting to a solution rather than stewing in the problem? How often do issues arise with you two and how serious do you feel they are? This is also a big indicator of how things will look in the future with your marriage. Then there is the social status, because I am in the industry of entertainment and within my corporate job I tend to meet a lot of different people. I understand the importance of being affable and networking. Networking and being willing to communicate at an efficient rate build your social status significantly, some of the longest, most important business or personal relationships were built over lunch at work or an impromptu outing with a friend of a friend. Socially you have built these relationships that will most likely set you up and your children up to be put in a position that sees them being well versed in an industry of their choice. That will set them up to prepare for their long term goals. Now, love and like can come in and be considered. Honestly, both of those factors could be considered the whole time but to get married solely  based on love, NOW AND DAYS may need to be thought about. If you were to get divorced how are things  being split and what will you leave with? I know that some people do not like to think about that or they don’t think things like that are important but i'm here to tell you that they are! SERIOUSLY SIS...and bros. I could go on forever about this but i want to hear from you! Tell me what you thinking about this topic.

About the Author:  Germôna Sharp